For all our lives, marriage has been associated with one main thing: sex. A marital union without the physical element is something we haven’t ever given much thought to. In fact, we might not even consider it a marriage, terming it ‘roomies’ instead.
The Japanese have surfaced with a novel and ground-breaking concept called ‘friendship marriage’ or yūjō kekkon as it is called in Japanese. This is where two people marry each other and, just like any marriage, make good use of the legal benefits afforded. However, friendship marriages are devoid of intimacy and sex. These two individuals find each other good companions in the journey of life and share a home, expenses, grief, happiness, and everything else with each other, without loving each other romantically.
What is a Friendship Marriage?
Friendship marriage is a contract-based marriage in which two individuals decide beforehand what type of lifestyle, goals, and shared responsibilities they will undertake. This type of marriage need not be considered unusual as it is the same as any marriage. The only thing that differentiates it is its platonic nature.
Japan has been facing a decrease in marriages, and with both partners working, it becomes difficult for couples to invest as much time in their love life. This new trend of friendship marriage in Japan has seen a rise as more and more people become dissociated from the traditional marriage systems. Another big factor in the rise of friendship marriage is the rise of homosexual and asexual individuals. Japan has not yet legalized same-sex marriage, which makes friendship marriages the next best thing.
With the advent of technological advancement and social change, a new system of marriage was bound to arise. Friendship marriage in Japan is indeed a fascinating development.
Why is Japan turning towards a new Marriage Style?
About 1% of Japanese people have already been successfully friend-married. There are many reasons for people to do so. Some find it the best way to go about their lives as queer individuals. Some are asexual, and hence, this is the ideal marriage for them. Others simply want to spend their lives making a family with their best friend.
Contrary to a traditional marriage, a friendship marriage does not have set limitations or structure. In a friendship marriage, the two individuals involved can decide whether they would like to date people and have an active sexual life outside of their friendship marriage. They can also choose whether to live together or not, how to share the household chores, expenses, taxes, and all such considerations. Many such couples also decide to have a child together through other means, like artificial insemination, adoption, etc.
In fact, there are now fast emerging agencies in Japan which offer services like helping people meet prospective friends to marry. One of the dominant agencies, Colorus, helps customers throughout the process, from looking for friends and discussing things with them through a booklet to getting to know each other’s personalities and conditions.
Difference between Marriage Shams and Friendship Marriage
Friendship marriages aren’t those where two individuals claim to be getting married just to get permanent citizenship or for some other reason. Friendship marriages are true marriages where people marry with the understanding that there shall be no intimacy involved. These are legally binding marriages, where both the parties commit to the other. The commitment is just of a platonic nature.
Varied Reasons behind Friendship Marriages
Marriage has been considered as a default for most of history. It is only now that we think to question whether it is necessary to be beholden to a certain type of companionship. If the ultimate goal of marriage is to not die alone and to procreate for the future of the human species, then that can now be fulfilled through various means, not necessarily including a sexual union or a romantic marriage.
Family Pressure
Japan is not immune to parental pressure for marriage. Parents often urge their children to ‘settle down’ and have a family and kids. Such insistence can be gotten away with through a friendship marriage. For the family, their child is happily married; for the child, they have been married on their own terms and to their friend no less!
Queer Individuals
The L.G.B.T.Q. community is wide and consists of varied individuals with a variety of lifestyles and self-perceptions. Gay individuals, bisexuals, polygamous individuals, and others cannot live the way they wish to with the current marriage systems. With the friendship marriages becoming a possibility, more and more queer individuals are finding their footing and are able to find companionship without any sexual obligations.
Asexuals
Asexual individuals are those who do not feel any sexual desire or drive. This does not necessarily exempt them from romantic relationships, as the spectrum is wide, but it does characterize them as those without sexual drive. It is ideal for such individuals to marry without sexual intimacy. We all deserve a lifelong companion; whether that companion is a sexual companion or not is secondary.
Desirous Heterosexuals
Even straight people are opting for this convenient type of marriage in Japan as this lets them have a ‘found family’, the benefits of marriage, and the freedom to pursue romantic relations outside of it.
More and more people are prioritizing comfort, platonic love and companionship over the overly stereotyped sexual love, which need not be a default.
A Solution to Lifetime Loneliness
To those who find themselves, even at the mature age of 30-35, without a romantic partner, friendship marriage seems like the best way to avoid loneliness. In fact, this system of marriage is akin to the marriage pact that people make with their friends: If we’re still single by 40, we’ll marry each other. Thinking of F.R.I.E.N.D.S., aren’t ya?
Impact of Friendship Marriage on Society
Societies throughout the world have long considered some things ‘stable’ and ‘orderly’ while others ‘unnatural’ and ‘a threat to social order’. The truth is that societies are bound to change, and no society welcomes change with open arms. It is only natural for conservatives and the older generation to find these changes uncomfortable, unreasonable, and beyond understanding.
However, society need not function in a set type of way. It can include a multitude of things, sort of like ice-cream flavors. There will obviously still be traditional marriages, as are majorly happening in Japan still, yet the option of a friendship marriage is also open to those who might wish to choose it. Such is the beauty of a truly free and open society.
There are various critics of friendship marriage, claiming it breaks the traditional and sacred bond a traditional marriage holds. Others claim it will lead to a degradation of social life. But what will happen is yet to be seen, as such a phenomenon has never occurred before in history. Only time will disclose whether it becomes a phenomenon worth adopting or whether it really leads to a chaotic social order.
Conclusion
Love is not restricted to the romantic kind. We glorify sexual and intimate love way too much—so much so that we forget to acknowledge the sheer beauty of platonic love—the love of parents, siblings, friends, and so on. Friendship marriage is indeed a phenomenon taking a strong hold among the Japanese currently. It seems a system of marriage of this sort is likely to spread to the rest of the countries sooner rather than later.
With its abundance of support and criticism, we await the conclusion and repercussions this big trend is going to cause in the upcoming years throughout Japan as well as the world.
